This blog will be one year old in a couple of weeks. I’m super excited about that. That said, I have been reviewing my subject matter for this blog and most of it has been relationship related. Specifically how men do us good girls wrong. My last blog post was actually all about that.
I openly declared on this blog how I’m tired of not being appreciated and how I want a man who will love me and appreciate me for me.
You know the saying be careful what you wish for because you just might get it? Yeah? well, be careful. I think I got what I wished for. He is caring, a good listener, has that dark sense of humour that I like maybe even a little darker than I like but its all good. He does the things he says he’ll do. Calls when I don’t even expect him to. He makes me blush so hard its embarrassing! He is not as tall as I like them but that’s okay too.
So what’s my problem? What’s bugging me? Am I that damaged that I’m having problems accepting the guy I know I deserve?
I call what I’m going through the bad bitch syndrome (BBS). I really like this guy but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to become the selfish, arrogant ass hole I have known men to be. My mind always rushes to the worst possible scenario. Like right now, its 5:00 A.M but I can’t sleep because I had a dream that he was cheating on me. Which is completely absurd because he and I are not even official yet.
I’m driving myself nuts with paranoia.
Why can’t I just accept that finally a man worthy of me has come into my life. A man who makes me feel so good about myself when I’m around him. A man who is open and honest with me. A man who genuinely carers about me. A man that I can’t help but imagine a future with. A man who takes me seriously….
I feel bad for women of my generation. I’m sure I am not the only one who feels this way when they finally get a good guy. We have become so accustomed to being put down or taken for granted or to not being taken seriously or to just casual encounters that meaningful relationships have become elusive.
We need to reexamine ourselves as a society. Where did we go wrong? When did our women stop seeing value in themselves? Or better yet, why do our men treat women as valueless creatures? What is the problem?
Before I go into the society’s problems let me fix my own first. I’m learning to accept the things I cannot change. I’m learning to live in the moment. I’m learning to love myself so that I can alow others to love me and for me to love them back. Maybe we should all do that. Maybe if we all loved ourselves more we would be able to love each other and be more compassionate towards each other.
In the meantime I’ll be here trying to figure out my happy ending?
If you are not one for strong language then stop reading this post right now!!
Give a man a good woman and he will turn her into a bad bitch! Men claim they want a good woman, someone who will love them unconditionally but still give them their space. A beautiful woman who can cook, raise his children and still be independent. A woman who will compliment them but she should know her place. I’ll tell you something for free right now, she doesn’t exist!!!
You want someone who will sit beside you, look pretty and obey your every command? Go get yourself a damn dog!!!
Good women still exist though. She will be down for you 100% but you have to be down for her too. Its not one way traffic. If you think you deserve a good woman, you sure as hell have to be a good man too.
We women cater to you and brake our backs bending over backwards to make you happy but we end up being taken for granted. So we turned into Bad Bitches!
We still love hard and we’ll hold you down 100% but we will NOT stick around through your bullshit! Go figure you shit out and grow the fuck up! Take a couple seats and calm your ass down then learn how to treat a woman!
We are not going to be treated like we don’t matter. We have lives too boo boo! As much as this may be hard for you to believe, the universe does not revolve around you!
I can already hear the guys going ‘she is bitter’ or ‘someone must have bumped her’ well…..I have been heart broken a few times but that’s fine. We all have to kiss a few frogs as the saying goes. I’m not bitter about that but what I’m bitter about is, guys don’t treat a good girl well. I’m not saying we are saints but we try with all we have to be there for you, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Yet some of you don’t see what you have right in front of you.
Ladies, if he ain’t going to treat you the way he should then LET IT GO!!!
I’m just saying….as much as this niggas be trippin, we let them. Be done with him and move on. Be happy with who you are first before you start thinking about making other people happy.
Self love first ladies….Men too. Because hurt people hurt people.
For those who don’t know, safaricom is a telecommunications company in Kenya. Its has the largest customer base in the country.
I’ve wanted to write this post for the longest time and never really got around to it. So here we go….
1. Be the first to text me every morning
Every morning when I wake up, I get a text from safaricom. Its annoying on safaricom’s part but if I got a text for my significant other every morning I’d feel loved and start the day happy. (I am working under the assumption that you would only text your significant other sweet and loving things not to remind them to pay a certain bill or something like that. That is as annoying as safaricom)
2. Text me during the day
I know people will say I’m busy and what not but, just to know you are thinking about me when we are not together makes me feel appreciated. It will only make me love you more. (Again this is a sweet text not a pay the bills like, mshiwari or okoa jahazi texts. like, ‘i miss you or I hope you are having a lovely day’ kind of text)
3. text to remind me of things I already know.
I know you love me but, a random text in the middle of the day to remind me of that fact will go a long way.
Okay safaricom, I know I haven’t paid my okoa jahazi debt and whatever so leave me the hell alone!!!!
4. Keep me wanting more.
So many people I know, myself included, want to leave safaricom as service provider. But every time I want to leave there’s a new promotion that keeps me loyal. Boyfriends and husbands can learn a lot from this. It’s not enough that you have me. Keep me interested and wanting more. Keep me so focused on you that you are and will always be the apple of my eye. Plan for fun things for us to do together. Do things for me that will make me feel appreciated, buy me thoughtful gifts. Hold my hand as we walk down the street, and most importantly never stop telling me how much you love me.
I know the guys are like, why are we the only ones doing things and saying things. Well, guys, For every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Just rest assured that if you do and say all of these, you will be treated as well if not better than how you treat her. The same applies to all the negative stuff too by the way….and consistency is key. You can’t do this for a while then expect a life of gratitude. You can’t expect a life time of me loving and catering to you for the weekend you took me to Naivasha in 2010. If you expect to be treated well by her for the rest of your life, treat her well for the rest of her life. Like I said, for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. So choose your actions wisely, for the reaction is bound to happen.
In my dating experience I have only met one guy that I thought had ‘the one’ potential. What went wrong with us is, it was a long distance relationship, which normally have only a 40% success rate. So that was doomed from the get go. That said, he was a really good guy. The type of guy I always thought I would end up with. That came to an end after 8 short months. We tried to give it an other shot but that didn’t even last a month. We are still friends though. We talk almost everyday now. We genuinely wish each other well.
When it comes to dating guys my age, this particular ex was the only exception to the rule. Guys my age, in their early twenties I mean, are only good to hang out with. The ones I would be into are literally all taken and in few instances, gay. Which brings me to the subject of what it is I want or I’m looking for in a guy.
I want a focused guy. Someone who is self-aware. Someone who knows what he wants in life and out of life. Someone with a functional, if not good, relationship with his family. Family is very important to me. Someone kind and generous but assertive. Someone who is loving and caring. Someone fun with a slightly dark sense of humor. Someone witty…..I think smart is sexy! Someone who doesn’t play mind games. An honest person and above all, someone who puts God first.
From that, should I call it profile….lol, guys my age who fit are already taken or come with an immense amount of baggage. Older guys who fit the profile want to get married tomorrow. I am only 22! I have my whole life ahead of me. I am not about to get married or anything like that. Hence I have involuntary been left to a life of single hood.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind being single but it’s just some times i want to share some things with some who is not my bestie or my mum. I want to have running inside jokes with someone….I want to have someone to cuddle with and watch some random movie. I want some one to walk me to the bus stop or drive me home. I’m not picky…..lol. I want someone to hold hands with in town. I want someone who will teach me how to play FIFA or call of duty. Someone who can text with me into the wee hours of the morning and we both have things to do early the next day. Someone who likes all crime dramas on TV like I do….CSI, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Major Crimes, Blue bloods, Hawaii Five-o to name just a few….Someone who likes comedies too: Big Bang Theory and Two Broke Girls are my favs right now. Before I digress and turn this into a movie/series post lets go back to the point. I miss sharing a connection with someone. I miss knowing that they are always in my corner as I am in theirs. I am so tired of caring and investing in people who don’t value me as much as I value them or value me at all.
My mom told me I’m at an age where people crave companionship. As much as I’ll never admit to her that this is true…..it is the truth. I love my mum and my besties but it’s just not the same. I want to be looked at in a certain way, I want to be held in a certain way. Maybe I am craving to share my life with someone. I’m not the get married and happy ever after type, but that is starting to sound very enticing right now….
I hate how easy it is for you to walk in and out of my life. I’m tired of waiting for you to do right by me. I know at the back of my mind that you won’t, that you don’t even know what it means to do right by me.
At this point I want you to step up and be with me or just leave me alone. I know you want to be settled and stable before you start thinking about our future but I’m not the type of girl who seats at home and expect you to provide for me. I’m the type of girl who hustels with you. We work hard together. I’m the type of girl who wants us to grow together, in all aspects.
I feel like I’m stuck in a space where I can’t move on if you don’t let me. I feel like you know how much I love you and the kind of hold you have on me and you use that against me. Every time I feel like I’m in a space where I can finally move on you pull me back into that mess…
I’m a srong woman but I love hard. And I loved you…..hard. love is not something you just switch off, and its not like we had a bad explosive brake up. So its been a bit of an uphill task to completely let go.
Bottom line is, if we are not going to be happy together then we should let each other be happy with other people. This going round in circles is not healthy. Love me or leave me the hell alone……
I have come to terms with the fact that my life is not a romcom….I know what your thinking, and no, I’m not naive and yes, I have watched too many movies. But thus far my life has been pretty awesome.
I have come to realize that a person cannot be just one thing. You cannot be labelled a certain thing and just be it…we have the power within us to be limitless!!!! So this year I am promising myself that I this is my year of action. Everything I have dreamt of, I want to do or at least try to do it. I want to actively seek out ways to achieve my dreams. I know how big the dream is, I want to try and accomplished it because I’ll never know if I’ll succeeded unless I try….
I am limitless
I will lead a limitless life
2015 is my year!!!!
In light of recent events in my life, I have decided to write to my future boyfriend/husband. Please DO NOT mistake this for one of those demanding, outrageous and nonsensical post/letters from those half witted, mentally unstable and unfathomably shallow girls like Njoki chege.
This is to let you know the kind of person that I am now and where am at. Its up to you to figure out how and where you fit in.
Dear future Boyfriend/Husband,
My name is Wanjiru Kahugu. I am twenty something years old. I love to read. I love travelling as well. I’m a supporter of sports but I don’t actually play any game that includes board games too. I love movies! I really love movies. I love movies to the point I wanted to become a movie critic when I was younger. I love series as well. I have a very eclectic taste in music. I listen to almost everything.
I’m fascinated by nature and would love to go on safaris. But not the crazy type just a drive in a national park and watch animals drink from a water hole then go home. I’m not the camping in the woods sort of person. I don’t want to see wild animals up close and personal. I think they are quite spectacular from a safe distance too. I am terrified of hights but I appreciate views. I hate small creatures that move fast or jump like rats and frogs.
My ideal Sunday afternoon is reading a book outside and just chilling….maybe even watch the sunset in the evening, have good home cooked meal then watch a good movie.
I have a love hate relationship with cooking. I reject the idea that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, non the less, I am a good cook. When I’m in a cooking mood I do it well and whole heartedly. I even enjoy it. I bake too but only when I’m in the mood.
I am a very maternal person. I love to take care of the people around me and hence become protective of them but I know my place. I love my space. I don’t get a lot of me time because I’m quite busy but when I do, its strictly me time.
I am not the party type of person infact when I go out with friends I only dance when my song plays….I scarcely go out. I’m more of a stay at home, keep warm, read a book or watch a movie type of girl. The party life has never been my cup of tea. In fact I admire the energy the ‘go out every weekend’ type of girl has.
I love dogs…..I am definitely not a cat person.
Future boyfriend/husband, read keenly what I’m about to write next because its the most important part of this whole post/letter. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I love very easily but I get hurt as easily too. In fact I’m not done picking up the pieces of my shattered heart from the last guy who screwed me over…..it might take me a while to put all the pieces back together again so give me time.
I am a communicator, I like to talk about everything so I hope you are a communicator too. I feel its important for people to talk about what they want, expect and feel in order for them to be on the same page. When you start a relationship with different expectations of each other, it is bound to fail when the other person doesn’t meet your expectations of them.
I could go on and on about myself but that’s basically me. I am no longer going to focus on what and who you should be. I will continue to work on who I am so I can be a better girlfriend and a good wife to you some day. I’m working on being the one as opposed to looking for the one. I can’t wait to meet you…..or maybe I already have and I just don’t know it yet.
Which ever the case I hope you are also working on being a good boyfriend and husband to me one day.
All my love,
Your future girlfriend/wife,
A friend asked me the other day, when you are on your death bed what do you need?
It got me thinking about what’s important to me in this life. We have made life to be about what we have and what we need. We are in constant pursuit of things and extremely focused on attaining goals that we miss out on what’s really important. People.
When you are on your death bed you won’t ask for your very large expensive house or your big flashy car….or maybe you will, I don’t know. I can only speak for myself, I’ll ask for my family and friends. I’ll want to make sure they know how much I love and value them. I’d want to make peace with people I wasn’t at peace with.
I’m not saying working to be wealthy is a a bad thing. Hell I want to be wealthy too! But don’t let that be what you are all about. When you have shear with those that don’t. A little kindness and compassion will go a long way. We all need each other at some point. So if you strive for something, strive to be a decent human being first before anything else.
I know this will sound crazy but I envied people in toxic relationships not the ones that were violent off course! I envied the ones where both people were bad for each other but nobody could tear them apart. I wanted to be loved with such passion, with such conviction. I wanted someone to hold on to ‘us’ as if their life depended on it….I wanted someone to love me as if I were life itself.
I was in a toxic relationship not too long ago. It was nothing like what I wanted. I didn’t even realise it was toxic until the tail end of the relationship.
I loved. I’m a lover….okay, that can be misconstrued but what I mean is I fall hard. I love deeply….whole heartedly. And boy did I love! The big difference between my toxic love for this man was I was the only one so passionate and convicted. At one point I thought he was the ONE. I didn’t even notice hot guys on the street anymore…..it was that serious!
There were so many signs. So many red flags but I didn’t see them. He was everything I wanted in a man. He checked out all my boxes. Except he didn’t love me as I loved him….I was willing to do anything for him…even move a cross the continent for him, but I felt I had to push him to say not even do, just say half the things I would have done for him.
Then I realised I don’t want a toxic relationship. I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask? Especially in this day and age where ‘casual’ everything is the order of the day. I don’t want big fancy cars or a lavish apartment or expensive shopping sprees. I have a father who provides more than sufficiently for me. I want a man to love me. Being rich is not a qualification for you to have my love. In fact, I always say I’d rather have a man with vision and ambition than a rich man because we will work together to become rich as opposed to me being a leech to someone’s hard work/inheritance.
Don’t sell yourself short or settle for anything less than you deserve. If you love you deserve to be loved back. Do NOT cross oceans for people/person who wouldn’t even jump over a puddle for you.
The most important person to you is you. Love yourself before others love you. Don’t ever put yourself in situations where you forget how important you are. Remember your worth and don’t accept anything less than what you deserve.
I was listening to E-sir the other day while I was in a mat and it took me back….I was really young when E-Sir died. At the time I liked his music because it was the in thing. But now that I really understand the art I feel bereaved. I still morn his death because he was an amazing talent, extraordinary even. I don’t think we have had anyone close to the likes of E-Sir since then. His rhymes were sick. His hooks were killer. I am still in amazed by his talent to this day. R.I.P E-Sir….your memory lives on. You are forever immortalised in your music.
On the subject of Kenyan music, where did we go wrong? I feel like kenyan music has dumbed down. I know that this days a song has to be catchy and have sick beat for it to be a hit, but when did that become the licence for people to produce songs with stupid lyrics? When did that permit talentless fools to call themselves kenyan artists??? This is shameful! That is why the kenyan music industry will never sore to the heights of Bongo in Tanzania or will never rival the Naigerian or Ghanaian music industry.
Alot of the time we want to blame other factors for the glass ceiling that Kenyan music has hit. It has alot to do with the kind of music we produce. The people who realise this are doing well even in the international markets. Take sauti sol for example they don’t have silly nonsensical songs and they are playing in Europe and other places in the world. They are doing very well for themselves.
No one will take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously! Music is an art and for you to succeed you should treat is as such. We have people like P-Unit who have an occasional silly song like “kare” but they respect the art by being on point skills wise on that song. Its a fun track but you can appreciate the level of talent that is evident in the artists on the song. Even the song “you guy” as silly as it may be shows that they respect the art hence why they went on to be nominated for awards for that song.
So, Kenyan artists, what am I trying to say? Before you go blaming other people for your lack of success outside Kenya, look at yourself first. Are you taking yourself seriously enough for the rest of the world to take you seriously?