This blog will be one year old in a couple of weeks. I’m super excited about that. That said, I have been reviewing my subject matter for this blog and most of it has been relationship related. Specifically how men do us good girls wrong. My last blog post was actually all about that.
I openly declared on this blog how I’m tired of not being appreciated and how I want a man who will love me and appreciate me for me.
You know the saying be careful what you wish for because you just might get it? Yeah? well, be careful. I think I got what I wished for. He is caring, a good listener, has that dark sense of humour that I like maybe even a little darker than I like but its all good. He does the things he says he’ll do. Calls when I don’t even expect him to. He makes me blush so hard its embarrassing! He is not as tall as I like them but that’s okay too.
So what’s my problem? What’s bugging me? Am I that damaged that I’m having problems accepting the guy I know I deserve?
I call what I’m going through the bad bitch syndrome (BBS). I really like this guy but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to become the selfish, arrogant ass hole I have known men to be. My mind always rushes to the worst possible scenario. Like right now, its 5:00 A.M but I can’t sleep because I had a dream that he was cheating on me. Which is completely absurd because he and I are not even official yet.
I’m driving myself nuts with paranoia.
Why can’t I just accept that finally a man worthy of me has come into my life. A man who makes me feel so good about myself when I’m around him. A man who is open and honest with me. A man who genuinely carers about me. A man that I can’t help but imagine a future with. A man who takes me seriously….
I feel bad for women of my generation. I’m sure I am not the only one who feels this way when they finally get a good guy. We have become so accustomed to being put down or taken for granted or to not being taken seriously or to just casual encounters that meaningful relationships have become elusive.
We need to reexamine ourselves as a society. Where did we go wrong? When did our women stop seeing value in themselves? Or better yet, why do our men treat women as valueless creatures? What is the problem?
Before I go into the society’s problems let me fix my own first. I’m learning to accept the things I cannot change. I’m learning to live in the moment. I’m learning to love myself so that I can alow others to love me and for me to love them back. Maybe we should all do that. Maybe if we all loved ourselves more we would be able to love each other and be more compassionate towards each other.
In the meantime I’ll be here trying to figure out my happy ending?