A friend asked me the other day, when you are on your death bed what do you need?
It got me thinking about what’s important to me in this life. We have made life to be about what we have and what we need. We are in constant pursuit of things and extremely focused on attaining goals that we miss out on what’s really important. People.
When you are on your death bed you won’t ask for your very large expensive house or your big flashy car….or maybe you will, I don’t know. I can only speak for myself, I’ll ask for my family and friends. I’ll want to make sure they know how much I love and value them. I’d want to make peace with people I wasn’t at peace with.
I’m not saying working to be wealthy is a a bad thing. Hell I want to be wealthy too! But don’t let that be what you are all about. When you have shear with those that don’t. A little kindness and compassion will go a long way. We all need each other at some point. So if you strive for something, strive to be a decent human being first before anything else.
I know this will sound crazy but I envied people in toxic relationships not the ones that were violent off course! I envied the ones where both people were bad for each other but nobody could tear them apart. I wanted to be loved with such passion, with such conviction. I wanted someone to hold on to ‘us’ as if their life depended on it….I wanted someone to love me as if I were life itself.
I was in a toxic relationship not too long ago. It was nothing like what I wanted. I didn’t even realise it was toxic until the tail end of the relationship.
I loved. I’m a lover….okay, that can be misconstrued but what I mean is I fall hard. I love deeply….whole heartedly. And boy did I love! The big difference between my toxic love for this man was I was the only one so passionate and convicted. At one point I thought he was the ONE. I didn’t even notice hot guys on the street anymore…..it was that serious!
There were so many signs. So many red flags but I didn’t see them. He was everything I wanted in a man. He checked out all my boxes. Except he didn’t love me as I loved him….I was willing to do anything for him…even move a cross the continent for him, but I felt I had to push him to say not even do, just say half the things I would have done for him.
Then I realised I don’t want a toxic relationship. I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask? Especially in this day and age where ‘casual’ everything is the order of the day. I don’t want big fancy cars or a lavish apartment or expensive shopping sprees. I have a father who provides more than sufficiently for me. I want a man to love me. Being rich is not a qualification for you to have my love. In fact, I always say I’d rather have a man with vision and ambition than a rich man because we will work together to become rich as opposed to me being a leech to someone’s hard work/inheritance.
Don’t sell yourself short or settle for anything less than you deserve. If you love you deserve to be loved back. Do NOT cross oceans for people/person who wouldn’t even jump over a puddle for you.
The most important person to you is you. Love yourself before others love you. Don’t ever put yourself in situations where you forget how important you are. Remember your worth and don’t accept anything less than what you deserve.
I was listening to E-sir the other day while I was in a mat and it took me back….I was really young when E-Sir died. At the time I liked his music because it was the in thing. But now that I really understand the art I feel bereaved. I still morn his death because he was an amazing talent, extraordinary even. I don’t think we have had anyone close to the likes of E-Sir since then. His rhymes were sick. His hooks were killer. I am still in amazed by his talent to this day. R.I.P E-Sir….your memory lives on. You are forever immortalised in your music.
On the subject of Kenyan music, where did we go wrong? I feel like kenyan music has dumbed down. I know that this days a song has to be catchy and have sick beat for it to be a hit, but when did that become the licence for people to produce songs with stupid lyrics? When did that permit talentless fools to call themselves kenyan artists??? This is shameful! That is why the kenyan music industry will never sore to the heights of Bongo in Tanzania or will never rival the Naigerian or Ghanaian music industry.
Alot of the time we want to blame other factors for the glass ceiling that Kenyan music has hit. It has alot to do with the kind of music we produce. The people who realise this are doing well even in the international markets. Take sauti sol for example they don’t have silly nonsensical songs and they are playing in Europe and other places in the world. They are doing very well for themselves.
No one will take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously! Music is an art and for you to succeed you should treat is as such. We have people like P-Unit who have an occasional silly song like “kare” but they respect the art by being on point skills wise on that song. Its a fun track but you can appreciate the level of talent that is evident in the artists on the song. Even the song “you guy” as silly as it may be shows that they respect the art hence why they went on to be nominated for awards for that song.
So, Kenyan artists, what am I trying to say? Before you go blaming other people for your lack of success outside Kenya, look at yourself first. Are you taking yourself seriously enough for the rest of the world to take you seriously?
A really good friend of mine recently lost his mother. I cannot even begin to imagine what he must be going through. I’m not even sure what I can do for him during this tring time but I am here for him in anyway I can for whatever whenever. I hope he knows that….
I am no stranger to the loss of a loved one. My first encounter with the death of a loved one was when I was 6. I lost my grandmother. People say that at that age, one is too young to understand or they get over it faster when they are young. I disagree. One has to go through all the stages of grief no matter their age….sometimes they go through grief when they are older. The thing about the death of someone very close to you is, it feels like a part of you died with your loved one. Like there’s a hole in you that cannot be filled. People say time heals all wounds but I disagree. We learn to live with the loss of a loved one but we never heal…we adapt to living without the person. That doesn’t mean we move on. Moving on implies that we leave the past in the past but that is not the case when it comes to death. We live on not move on! Because the memories of our loved ones live on with us. What we learned from them shines through us and we realise their dreams for us.
We take one day at a time. Some days are tougher than others but we live on. We do get to better days. We are able to smile again live lives filled with joy again. It may not seem so now but joy will come back into our lives because the grace of God is sufficient.
This post is dedicated to my friend Mutuiri Kimiri in memory of his mother Mrs Rebecca Kimiri.
Rest in peace mum..